All we asked you to do was call.
Then you’d see how much I love you,
My loves like a leaf, its beginning to fall,
Even though you said you’d always be true,
You know you need me forever and a day,
For the game of hostage we will play,
When you are back with me,
The leaf is growing back on the tree,
I will love you for eternity.
My love once more is more than free,
Like riding the waves on the ocean sea,
Like a buzzing bumble bee,
Never to be held back again.
I thought you were my friend,
Maybe we will never see the end,
If you will go back out with me, myself, and I,
My love for you is so high,
There that bumble bee goes in the sky,
Maybe hostage will be more someday,
Wild and free like the ocean waves.
The title could be something different because the only line that relates to it is the last one. This is like poetically asking someone out, right? Because that's what I think it is. It's really good, but at the end you kinda let the whole poem let go wit the "go out" part. It doesn't completely ruin it though, it just lets down the momentum of the other brilliant lines.
I thought this was nice and romantic.
Though the content was good, I felt like the title did not fit the poem.
The lines when you say "Like riding the waves on the ocean sea, Like a buzzing bumble bee," I could not tell if you were comparing riding ocean waves to being like a bumble bee. Did you intend them to be separate thoughts? I would suggest clearing that up.
There was some good stuff in here, but it's obscured at the moment by the rhyming and some lines that are incredibly confusing. For instance, why is "we" asking "you" to call in the first line? Does "you" have multiple partners? And the "hostage" thing. Is this an actual game or were you trying to say he's taking you hostage? Expand the imagery around "hostage" to make your meaning clear. Also, you make this sound like the narrator's in love with "you", then suddenly you say "I thought you were my friend". If you're indeed expressing romantic love, take this out.
If you will go back out with me, myself, and I,
My love for you is so high,
There that be goes in the sky,
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